MEAC

Week 9 - October 26-28, 2006

by

Doomsday

The scene: A four bedroom, 2.5 bathroom suburban home east of Atlanta. Two lovers lay in a round bed with a custom velour burgundy cover with gold piping, obviously basking in the afterglow of sweet, passionate lovemaking...

Alpha 72: DOOMSIE, that was greeaaaaattt. You got another round in ya?

DOOMSDAY: zzzzzzzzzzz...

Alpha 72: Baby, you sleep?

DOOMS: hnuhhh? Nnn, naw gurl, just resting my eyes... Whatchu say?

Alpha 72: I said gimme some mo nigra!

DOOMS: aaaight. Pass me that Levitra and let's make out until it kicks in.

Our stud takes his pill and the two lovers passionately slobber each other until...

Alpha 72: Wait baby, turn on ESPNU

DOOMS: Wait baby my @ss, this schitt just kicked in. Look at this thing! Ain't no got dam power switch on this futhamucka!

Alpha 72 looks in awe, but it is too late. She has already turned the t.v. on and we hear...

Charlie Neal: ...again our final score, Bethune-Cookman College 69, A&T 0. Thank you folks for watching... 

Alpha 72 turns the t.v. off.

Alpha 72: We got so carried away we forgot all about the game. Sorry 'bout that score baby but 69 is a good idea ain't it? Wait, where'd it go?!?

DOOMS (now completely flaccid): Dam, 69 to zip? Gimme about a half hour and two more of them Levitras.

Alpha 72 turns the t.v. back on...

ESPNU announcer: Next on the U, this week in MEAC history.

DOOMS: I don't know if this is gonna help. Hold me baby

The two watch the program...

MEAC Commissioner, Dr. Dennis Thomas: Hi, I is Doctor Dennis Thomas, de commishinah of de...

DOOMSDAY hits the mute button and turns on the closed-captioning...

TV (via closed captioning): ...founded in 1971 for a bunch of schools that should have kept their black @sses in division II. Today, we look at this week's action in the MEAC. This week, by the time this show appears A&T will already have gotten their @ss whupped by Cookman. 

The score flashes across the bottom of the screen, along with the key stats. Cookman's leading rusher was also the number two drum major. 142 yards on three carries in the fourth quarter. Highlights are shown of him running for the touchdown still in his actual band uniform.

TV (closed captioned): An upstart Norfolk State team goes to Howard University and we expect that the lighter-skinned head coach will emerge victorious. Norfolk should win handily. I never thought I'd say that.

Next we have Winston Salem State rushing to Hampton. In a battle reminiscent of CIAA days, Hampton will win a closer than expected game.

Next, the somewhat resurgent Bears of Morgan State will travel most likely by bus to FAMU and will most likely lose and most likely travel back to Baltimore by bus...

Alpha 72: Is that a footlong hot dog under the covers or are you back for more?

DOOMS: It's a footlong. I'm hungry. You want a bite?

Alpha 72: Sure... Wait, if this is the footlong, what's that under the covers now?!?

DOOMS (adjusting the meat): This lil thing? It's a footlong that needs a bun? You got some buns for me?...

The two lovers attack one another as the show finishes.

DOOMS: Turn that sound up baby, I can't see the t.v. with my head down here.

Dr. Dennis Thomas: ...de only matchup worf yo time dis week, de bulldawgs of Sous kerlina steat at de hairnests of delaway steat...

DOOMS: Kill the sound, just tell me what the prediction is.

Alpha 72: Oooohhhbbbaaabbbbyyyy, uuhhhhh scstatebyfive yeeessssssssss!!!