MEAC

Week 7 - October 14, 2006

by

Doomsday

So I was getting a little sleepy at work and Carl the custodian happened to peep in my office. I asked him if he had any Gentleman Jack or happy plants or something to perk me up since I was all out (had to entice a few clients into retaining the firm last week). This igga pulls out a porn dvd. I looked at him like he was crazy as he told me it was the wildest thing he'd ever seen...

Carl: It's like a train wreck mane. There's this purple-black big brother in this little yellow t-shirt. He's hung like a walrus. Huge feet, big ole head. He tears that lady up mane. And the chick. She got on some tite jeans with like monkeys or sumpin' on the pockets and some stunna shades and a white tee and some white vans, but get this, she gots to be every bit of 40 years old with this isht on mane. Big boy comes walking up in the room with this lil yella shirt and no pants on with this giant thang hid behind his leg and you see this big purple igga and you think he gonna have this deep @ss runaway slave voice but he gots this high @ss annoying voice and he tells this old @ss woman to take it off. In the background they playing "Pony" by Ginuwine and she all bouncin' her @ss to it and stuff. She moves all slow tryin' to be all sexy and homeboy jumps over there and pulls them thangs off and goes to town...

I was disgusted at the description.

....So I popped the dvd into my computer and closed the door. Just like Carl described there's this 40 something chick in some tite jeans with cheetah from Tarzan on the pockets bouncing her booty in the air for "The Camera". Ginuwine is blaring out a cheap speaker. Then the door opens and I hear a frighteningly familiar, annoyingly high-pitched whiny voice. 

Meackie: Daddy's home beeeeyyyaaaaach! Bounce that isht fo yo daddy!

If y'all coulda seen the look on my face.

DOOMSDAY {in total disbelief}: It couldn't be?!?!?....

Moms: Come here with yo big purple @ss! I got something fo you.

I be got dammed! It was Meackie. I thought he was dead. But apparently he done gone waaaay underground. And apparently he's taking that Levitra. He looked like he was walking around holding a purple watermelon in front of his crotch. I was disgusted so I stopped the dvd and took it out.

I called a few of my late-working homies and we took the dvd to the conference room and put it on the big screen. Meackie ripped them jeans off like he used to work at Chippendale's.

Moms: That's it daddy. Smack this monkey red. Let me know what you hitting fo.

Meackie smacked that booty like he was playing bongo for a go-go band.

Meackie: Chuck Brown ain't got isht on meeeee! I feel like bussin' loose, bussin' loose. Gimme that isht now!!!

Meackie had on this shirt with all the MEAC schools on it. After he started getting down with the chic the schools' logos started falling off and they had numbers on the back. Being the observant type dude I'm is I quickly took out a pad and pen and started writing down the schools and the numbers. Who knows, it could be a clue!

This is how they fell...

Morgan: 27
Howard: 13

A&T: 14
Del State: 30

NSU: 19
Hampton: 44

BCC: 49

SC State: 38
FAMU: 26 

After Meackie was through ravaging the chic the dvd ended. I struggled in my mind trying to figure out what these numbers could possibly mean.

Enrollment figures? Naw.

Endowments? Maybe. Naw.

Some type of percentage? Hmmmm.

Then my cell rang. It was Alpha wondering what was up with the picks for this week. Aha! I say AHAAAA! I calmly pulled out the pad and read the teams off as follows:

DOOMSDAY: Picks? uuuhhh, Aha! I say AHAAAA! Here you go. Morgan 27, Howard 13. Del State 30, A&T 14. Hampton 44, Norfolk 19. BCC 49, and it appears that Meackie ain't have Winston on his shirt yet.

Alpha 72: What? Baby are you high?

DOOMSDAY: Nothing. Uhhhh, BCC 49, Winston 20. SC State 38, FAMU 26. I got divine inspiration for this stuff baby. You could say I watched it "come" to me. {chuckle}

Alpha 72: ....ok. Say no to drugs, unless you got some more of that Cialis you brought down with you last time.

DOOMSDAY: Don't need it. Been eating collards.