MEAC

Week 2- September 9

by

Doomsday

After last week's picks I was barred from seeing my goddaughter until she turns 21. That really messed me up. She did such a good job last week I was planning to let her do them every week. I suddenly had to look elsewhere for assistance but had no where to turn. The deadline was fast approaching and Alpha was threatening to cut off my "supply". I'm like a dope man; I don't get high off my own supply. I gots to have that wildcat.

As I walked down the city streets in a funk, smoking one of my "doctored" cigarettes, a little birdie appeared in front of me. I thought it was just another pigeon and didn't pay attention at first, but this pigeon was different. No, it wasn't different because it had not yet been skinned and fried up at the local Chinese carryout; this pigeon had on a derby and had a cigar in its mouth.

I spoke:

Uhhhhh, whatdaphuck?

Coooooooooo, Hello my friend, I sensed your needs and I'm here to help, I'm the Wizard of Odds!!!!

My nicca! How much?

10 bucks my friend. And a hit of that "cigarette" you got there. Cooooooooo!

Here's a 20, keep the change. Here's a toke for you...

Cooooooooo cough cough. cough. cough.

Heeeey! Two puffs and pass parrot. What's the picks?

Cooooooooo! Good schitt mane!!! Let's see...

The pigeon pulled out a little black book from his pocket (yes, he had a pocket) and a pencil. We sat on a bench and he began to impart his wisdom.

Cooooooooo! Monmouth vs. Morgan at Monmouth? Cooohhahahahahahahahaooooo!!! Hahahaha!!! Coooooo, are you sure you need my help?

Heeheheheheheheee, I ain't that high. Monmouth by 14. Make it 15, there'll be an extra pernt missed somewhere

Afffflaaaac! I mean, Coooooooooo! Next we've got Hampton at Howard. Are you phucking retarded?

Gigglegiggle naw, just lazy. You see, it's a direct byproduct of these here cigarettes we smoking. Hampton by 20 or so. How you feeling? Your eyes are starting to look like pepperoni.

I'm good son. Cooo... Uhhh, yeah, here's another toughy for you, BCC vs. Savannah State in Daytona. Pass fool.

I dunno big chicken. BCC by what, 60?

Cooooooooooo!!!

Then we had to pause briefly because a big booty walked by...

I said Cooooooooooo!!!!

...and I said hot dammmmmm!!!! Who's next Gamecock?

Cooooooooo you might need my help with this one homeburger. NSU vs. VMI in Norfolk.

Cough cough, I have no phuggin idea General Tso. What you thinking?

Cooooooo, I'm thinking I'm shawl is hungry and you shawl is starting to look like a big ole black sausage patty.

That's wild 'cause I'm shawl is hungry too and you starting to look like, hell, like a pigeon. A deep fried with some mumbo sauce.

Cooooooo, well, coughcough, I like Norfolk. They're at home and VMI sucks. Anybody ever tell you you look like a giant m&m?

Naaaaawwww, coughcough, that's a new one. Hey, are you gripping that pencil with your... chicken fingeeerrsssss...?

Don't even think about it cocoa puff. Coooooooo let's stick to bidness. Winston-Salem State vs. SC State in Winston-Salem. Don't be fooled, SC State by 36. Hey, is that a ketchup packet next to your foot, hamburger?

Looks like a pack of Texas Pete to me, buffalo bite. This cigarette is done mane. Let me try to make this next pick. Del State vs. St. Francis in Dover? On second thought, let me let you make that pick while I find some Crisco and a cast iron skillet.

Cooooooooo, I have no phuggin idea. Del State in o.t. for the hell of it. Coooooooo anybody ever tell you your head looks like a rack of lamb?

Yeah, this one chic did. Wait, which head you refering to? Forget it. Hey stir fry, what's the last matchup?

At this point I was drooling uncontrollably 'cause I was real hungry and that bird was looking plump and juicy. I pulled out my knife and grinned at the wizard. He was dutifully setting a bonfire with some twigs in front of the bench. It looked like he was trying to set up a spit big enough to rotisserize a 5'8" 195 lb. human being.

Cooooooo, Miami over FAMU by 48!!!! HAVATCHA!!!

The damn bird proceeded to pull out a huge skewer and launched at me like he had a Boeing 767 engine shoved up his avian @ss. I launched at him with my knife as if a man had just grabbed my @ss. Just as we were about to collide I woke up. In front of me sat the remains of a special "cigarette" and across the board table from me was Chad from the ninth floor, completely passed out. I looked at the puddle of drool and realized I had just taken a bad ride. It had to be two a.m. which meant all the restaurants in the area were closed and Chad and I were the only dudes left in the building. But I shawl was hungry, and Chad looked like a pale bratwurst. In my back pocket was a small bottle of Texas Pete and there was a spork on the back counter. I got up slowly as not to arouse my prey...