MEAC

Week 1- September 2

Doomsday

At 8:37 a.m. on Sunday August 27 I was preparing for work and worrying about making my picks for this week. I realized that if I didn't get the picks to Alpha very soon she would probably never let me hit again. I can't have that. It's too good to let it go. Sometimes I be seeing stars and quasars and isht after we make passion. But that's neither here nor there...

I figured I'd go to work and bill my client a few hours time for working on my picks. They won't know the difference. They're a multinational.

My plans were thrown to the wolves when my cell rang. It was my goddaughter's mother demanding I come babysit. I haven't seen the kid in eight months and I only live a half hour away, as her mother reminded me in between profanities. I capitulated and agreed to take her to the "zoo". Of course, the zoo is my nickname for my job.

I picked the little angel up from that harpy of a mother and promised not to expose her to any undue influence like when I took her to Trump Atlantic City when I was supposed to take her to the beach. I strapped the sweetie into the car seat and we began our journey.

Yaaaay, zoooo!!!!!

Uh, sweetie, the animals we're gonna see are chain smoking nerds with no personalities. Tell your mama we saw monkeys.

Whheeeeee!!! Monkeees!

First I've gotta stop by this store on the corner for some liquid energy and I've gotta buy some glaucoma medicine from the guy in the back. Don't tell your mama. Stay in the car and listen to unedited satellite radio. Don't tell your mama I left you in the car or let you listen to songs with curse words.

Okay....

I bought my liquor and my weed and hopped back in the ride. I gave her a strawberry yoohoo and she asked could she have some joy juice.

Uh, hell no. Better yet, if you really want some just stay up real late tonight and act buck wild. Your mama will eventually give you a sip or two. Don't tell her I told you.

Okay! Wheeeee!!!!

Man, look at the ass on that chic right there! I said hot dammm!!! Girl, don't you ever leave the house looking like that. You understand?

Yes goddaddy.

Waitaminit,... ass.... Alpha! The picks! Baby, I need your help.

Okay!

I rifled through my papers with my right hand as I sipped my liquor with my left hand and steered with my knees. I pulled out the list of the games and asked for my little sweetheart's expert advice.

Okay baby, I want you to pick some winners for me. Don't tell your mama, she'll think I took you to Atlantic City again.

Okay!

First up, the Hampton Pirates take on the Grambling Tigers at 11:00 a.m. in Birmingham. Here's a picture of each mascot.

Oooohhh! Pwince!

So you like Hampton in that one huh? Give me a score.

I dunno.

Ok, sounds like Hampton by five to me. 29-24 Hampton. Ready for another one?

Yay!!! I like this game goddaddy!!!

Yeah, I like the game me and Alpha play when I go down to visit. But that's neither here nor there. If I ever hear about you playing games with some nasty little boys I'ma beat both y'alls asses. You got me?

Yes goddaddy.

Good girl. I love you. Anyways, in our next game, the Hornets of Delaware State take on the Rattlers of Florida A&M in Detroit. Here's the mascots baby...

Ugggghhh, snake!

You don't like the snakes in this one huh?

Wheeeeee! Honeybee transformer!!!

Yeah, that bee is more than meets the eye baby. Give me points princess.

Huh?

Think of a number. Uhhhh, how old are you now?

Fweee and a haf.

Del State by fweee and haf over the Rattlers. I'ma nickname you "the Greek" at this pernt sweetheart. You're gonna get your goddadddy laid! Don't tell your mama.

Wheeeeee! Laaiiiiiddd!!!

Hell yeah! Next up, we have the Trojans of Virginia State visiting the Spartans of Norfolk State. Here's the mascots for you to peek at.

Wheeeee! Twojan Maaaaaaan!

Twojan Man?!?!? How the hell you know about some Twojan Man?!?!?!?

Daddy sings the song to mommy when he puts me to sleep! Twojan Maaaann!!!!

Well, looks like you'll be an only child. So you like the trojans?

No, I like marvin the martian!!! He funny!

How funny?

Funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funnyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! hahaahhaa!

I think he's 19 times funnier from what I just heard. NSU beats VSU by 19.

Hmmmmm, here's one that's close to me and your pappy's heart. The Aggies of NC A&T take on the Rams of Winston-Salem State in Greensboro.

Aggie Pwide Aggie Pwide Aggie Pwide!

Zip it princess, you sound like a fool. But you like the Aggies huh?

Aggie Pwide!

Gimme Points!

9 ti 6.

Nine to six? How'd you come up with that score?

Daddy's shirt says A&T 9 ti 6.

Ohhhhh! I'm glad he doesn't wear his 10 year class reunion shirt around you. Ok, The Aggies manage to beat the Rams by the score of nine ti six. Baby, do you like doggies?

Wheeeeee! Doggies!!!!

Here we have the black doggies of SC State against the white doggies of Wofford.

White doggie white doggie!

Damn, they done started you off already huh? Gimme some numbers.

Uhhhhhhh, I dunno.

What year were you born?

Two fousand fwee!!!!

Wofford, 20 to 3? Hell naw girl. I think you got that backwards. But hell with it, I'm just trying to get some booty. Next up we have the Bears of Morgan State against the tigers of....

Run Yogi run!!! Mean tiger gonna eat you Yogi!!!!

How many times will the mean tiger chew Yogi if he doesn't get away baby?

Twenty five times!!!! Run Yogi!!!!

Towson by 25 over Morgan huh? Ouch. The grand finale, just as we pull up to my firm. The Jaguars of Southern University take on the Wildcats of Bethune-Cookman in Jacksonville.

Uuuh uh uh uh uh Wildcats!!! Uuuh uh uh uh uh wet's gooooo!!!!

How in the hell do you know that song?

Daddy let me stay up and watch the game on tv.

The one last year when Cookman played A&T baby?

Yes. They played that song over and over!!!!!! Wheeeeeeee!!!! Uuuh uh uh uh

Shut up kid. Just give me some points.

By foourrr!!! Uuuh uh uh uh wildcats!!!! Uuuh uh uh uh...

Here, get out that car seat and drink some of this ripple.

There you have if folks. My little bunny wabbit has picked nothing but winners, for me that is...